Identifying At Risk Youth

People always want to help the children. In fact, most really shitty government programs and policies, zero tolerance policies for example, are marketed as protecting the children and if you don’t support them you hate children. I am all for helping the children, so I am going to try to get a government grant for my revolutionary new youth program.

I am sure the government sponsored youth program market is quite saturated. With programs from Head Start to Youth Challenge it can be hard to find a niche. See despite the overabundance of programs, most at risk youth don’t know about these programs, or even know that they are at risk. My program focuses on identifying these at risk youths that may not know there are programs available to help them, and making sure at risk kids know they are at risk.

The program is simple, I will open kiosks in Walmart, Target, K-Mart, and CC’s Pizza and observe the customers for signs of at riskiness. The criteria for determining the level of riskiness at which the youth is are pretty straight forward. I will sit in my newly opened kiosk and if I see that three hundred pound woman in public in a moo moo and house slippers, if she has kids, they are at risk. That 90 pound woman in torn jeans, scratching her face like she has fleas with the teeth that look like she brushes with a Milky Way bar, her kids are at risk too. These kids, you guessed it, at risk! If these people have kids…who am I kidding? Of course they will, and they will be at risk.

The next step after identifying these at risk youth, is to council them and their parents. I would call these people to my kiosk, and explain to the kids and parents that they are at risk. It’s all about awareness. At risk youth awareness is essential in avoiding all the ickiness related to at risk youthiness. I don’t know about you, dear reader, but I feel like I have bugs crawling on me after close contact with at risk youthiness. I am making a sacrifice for the community at large by making personal contact with these undesirables.

I am still undecided as to how to make the public aware of the at riskiness of these youths. I was thinking of branding their forehead with ARY, or maybe cutting scars into their mouth or nose like the Native Americans used to do. I am open to suggestions.

Shame, Come Back

BBC News is running a story about American politics in the wake of Anthony *snicker* Weiner  sending out more pictures of his wang. The title is Anthony *snicker* Weiner, Eliot Spitzer and the death of shame. This concept of “the death of shame” set me to thinking (I know, I might hurt myself, but I’ll be careful). Where has shame gone in our society. We have removed social stigmas from so many things over the last few decades, and I wonder if the lack of shame may not be at least partially to blame for many of the most glaring social problems for which nobody seems to have a suitable answer.

Since the story that set me on this line of thinking has to do with Anthony *snicker* Weiner, let us take a moment to look at him, and his flaccid campaign.  Seriously, how the hell can a man with the last name of *snicker* Weiner get elected to office? There was once a time when he would have been laughed off the national stage for nothing more than his name. The fact that this guy shows his face in public with that last name proves that he is incapable of shame. If I was running against Anthony *snicker* Weiner, I would make a jingle to the tune of the Oscar Meyer Weiner Song. It would go something like:

I wouldn’t vote for Anthony Weiner

When he was a congressman he stunk

If you vote for Anthony Weiner

You might receive a picture of his junk!

I mean that stuff just writes itself. I don’t watch late night talk shows, but I gotta imagine Conan or somebody has already done this. Back to the topic at hand. Any man that can put himself in the national spotlight and say his name is Anthony Weiner, without snickering, and that he sent pictures of his weiner to girls, will feel no twinge of embarrassment for anything.

I imagine a lack of shame in politics should be expected considering the worthless human beings that participate in that racket. I know that Thomas Jefferson was putting slave girls to the figurative sword, and JFK was straight pimpin’ out of the Oval Office. I guess sexually retarded politicians are nothing new, but with low hanging fruit like Anthony *snicker* Weiner, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to take a few cheap shots. Besides, the sexual indiscretions of politicians are the least of our worries when it comes to American Government. Then again, if we weren’t electing idiots like these, would be subjected to the greater problems of the ramping up of the police state, divorce rape, or the tyranny of the Union?

Another societal ill that I think could benefit from a healthy dose of shame is the rise in criminality in this country. Race realists would probably just sluff this off as blacks being blacks, and I get that angle. My contention here is that would as many people of any color be getting arrested if there was still a stigma tied to being a criminal? Movies, video games, and music have helped erase the shame that was once tied to being a criminal. Hell, pop culture glorifies criminality. You don’t get ridiculed and ostracized for being a criminal today; you get “street cred.”

Forget the fact that criminals are drains on the tax payers. Forget the fact that every criminal has hurt someone. Forget the fact that they were getting cornholed in prison by Big Laurent for protection while begging for a reach-around. Forget the fact that they were trading blowjobs for honeybuns, and tossing salad for cigarettes. Forget all those things; criminals are effing cool! Kanye West told me so! [Edit: Just in case you thought Chris Rock made the whole thing up.]

I don’t know how much effect shame would have on politicians or criminals. Maybe everything in this post up to now is just spinning my wheels. There is one societal problem that think would be greatly reduced if shame did, in fact, come back. This last one makes my blood boil because it is precisely the removal of the stigma that has led to the explosion of this problem, and has caused a ripple effect, corrupting other aspects of society.

I am speaking of the unwed mother. There was once a time in this country where an unwed mother would be disowned by her family. She would be labeled a slut, and subject to public ridicule. Unwed mothers were rightly considered defective people, and social outcasts. With society’s further descent into the lie that is equality, unwed mothers have dragged down society like a millstone.

Unwed mothers have raised generations of emasculated boys, and girls with daddy issues. I think emasculated boys that grow into men who repress their manhood because they are told, get this, that they should be ashamed of fighting, flirting with girls, and generally acting like a man. In turn, the repressed sexuality in these emasculated men manifests itself as sexual retardation and higher rates of criminality. Anybody who has ever dated a stripper knows what daddy issues do to a woman. They have no idea how a man should behave, and gravitate toward men who abuse them. They have no idea how to relate to men, and resort to sex as a means of gaining the approval of men. Or worse, they learn to use sex to manipulate men, and wield the almighty vag like a weapon.

Maybe I am being too laser-like in my focus on unwed mothers. Maybe unwed mothers are symptom of the lessened social stigma attached to sexually promiscuous women. It could be that many women are no longer ashamed to ride the ole cock carousel, and that has been what has led to the explosion of unwed mothers. It seems this one may  be a chicken-egg discussion.

Whatever the case, I think politicians, criminals, and unwed mothers need a dose of shame in their lives. If people would get beyond the idea that judging people is wrong, some of these problems might start to improve. We have tried throwing money at problems, we have tried “awareness” and education, and we have tried being inclusive and understanding. It is time try to shame. It is time to openly mock sluts, criminals, and politicians named Weiner to make the world a better place for our children.